The Hokage's Best Jutsu
by meroMishiori
Summary: Humor, perhaps a little cracky. The Hokage's best jutsu? Rasengan? Nope. Harem Jutsu? Nawww. It's Therapy Jutsu!


**A/N:** My first Naruto fic... Another thing I came up with when I couldn't sleep. I blame the flu. I still can't write more than 1k words My mind runs out of fuel too quickly! Kakashi is in there, but he's not the focus of the fic(and I don't know if he's IC /shot), so he's not included in the character section(if anyone is wondering).

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything... I'll go cry a river.

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The Hokage's Signature Jutsu

A group of unfortunate chunin were given the task of organising Konoha's extensive jutsu library. A supervising jonin was assigned to them, though said jonin seemed preoccupied with the _damned_ orange book in his hands, only emitting a creepy giggle every now and then. He wasn't really supposed to be there, as his skills were better than that, but the Hokage thought that he had been slacking off too much, and thus gave him the (supposedly) boring job of supervising the poor chunin who had to organise the ninjutsu library. Too bad the Hokage forgot about that orange book of his though...

Anyway, said ninjutsu library was hidden deep underground, away from prying eyes. Even so, it was gigantic, spanning about 3 levels, each with numerous bookshelves. And that library _only_ contained the lower-ranked jutsus... "Why did I have to get the short stick... That damn Shima, leaving me to do this work while he skips off somewhere else and has fun... " One of the chunin complained, and rightfully so. In the middle of another tirade, a particular file caught his eye. It was strangely out of place. He pulled it out. Yes, he hadn't seen wrongly. The file had the label marking it as an S-Rank technique, which was very out of place as the current library only contained D-rank to B-rank jutsus. He picked up the file. "What is this doing here?" he wondered out loud. One of his companions turned to him. "Asai, what did you find?"he asked curiously. "Murai-san." he addressed the other man. Asai showed his Murai the file, whose eyes instantly widened. "What is this doing here?" He echoed the previous man's question. Asai shrugged. "I have no clue either. What should we do with it, though?" They stared at the file for awhile, pondering on the curiously out-of-place file. "Let's show it to the supervisor." Murai suggested.

"I'm right here. What's wrong?" said a voice from behind them. Both men jumped. "Ah! K-Kakashi-san! We found this S-ranked file here..." Kakashi glanced down at the file, and crinkled his single eye. "Ah...this? It's one of Hokage-sama's best techniques." Both chunin turned deathly pale. "Th-the Rase-_mmmm_!" Asai managed before his partner covered his mouth. Murai turned shakily to their supervisor. "W-we won't be punished, will we?" Kakashi sweatdropped. He probably shouldn't tease them too much. He wouldn't want to be responsible if two of his subordinates collapsed from panic attacks out of the blue. It would be a pain to explain it to the Hokage. "...It's probably not what you think. And no, you won't be punished." he assured them. The two men immediately looked very, very relieved, and color returned to their faces, though they still looked rather unnerved.

Kakashi felt a little guilty. Only a little. "In fact... I think that the two of could take a look if you want. Hokage-sama said that that particular file was open for everyone." He offered. "B-but it's Hokage-sama's technique, we can't-" the chunin named Murai started, but Kakashi cut him off. "It's fine, it's fine. I promise?" He gave them a reassuring crinkle of his eye. The two chunin looked at each other, before looking back down at the file. They had to admit, they were curious. And if they weren't going to be punished for it... Asai, who was holding the file hesitantly opened the file in his hands. Both of them started reading the first page.

_Ninjutsu: Record #1337_

_**Name:** Therapy Jutsu  
__**Rank:** S-rank  
__**Notes:** This file is to be placed in the lower-ranked ninjutsu library, as without Naruto-sama this file is useless.  
**Inventor****: **The amazing Uzumaki Naruto-sama  
_

"For your information, the number was specially requested by Hokage-sama to be as such as he said that this jutsu was "too awesome" to be assigned any other number." Kakashi informed them. "According to Hokage-sama, it stood for something like leek..." he waved it off and continued reading his book. They continued reading.

_**Execution of jutsu:** Look at the person in the eye and begin to give said person an inspiring speech on why what they are doing is wrong._(There were raised eyebrows at this.)  
_To get the best results, it is recommended that you:  
__- Beat the person you want to perform this jutsu on into a pulp first, so that they can't run away when you start speaking  
- Have a tragic past  
__- Have a powerful demon sealed inside of you(this is entirely optional)  
- Have insatiable love for ramen(Ichiraku is recommended)  
__- Be a very, very stubborn, obnoxious and optimistic person wears orange jumpsuits on a (preferrably) daily basis_

Both chunin sweatdropped and stared at the "recommendations", which strangely(or not) formed the perfect picture of a certain spunky blonde Hokage. They both thought the same thing. _He probably wrote this..._ They looked at the next page. The next page was a list of instances in which the jutsu was successfully executed that took up the whole entire page. Considering that said page had been extended into a 10-meter scroll, it was _quite_ a feat. They also recognised the many names of people who had "Therapy Jutsu" used on them, both famous and infamous, on the list. Some of the effects of the jutsu were rather outstanding. "Turned enemies into allies... saved the village of Konoha about approximately _ten_ times... saved the _world_?!" They repeated out loud. It was worth mentioning that at this point many of the other chunin had started gathering around them, curious at the sudden commotion, and also rather desperate to relieve some of the boredom that some of them were definitely feeling.

Kakashi caught sight of their bewildered expressions, and the growing circle of people around them, and sighed. "It's all true, and not one bit exaggerated." He answered their unasked question. "I myself was present in a number of them, so I can attest for that." They looked back at the file. After the examples, there was short, teeny-tiny postscript.

_PS. It is only possible to learn this jutsu from the inventor, the great Naruto-sama himself._

They closed the file(after finally rolling up the _looooong_ example page. It took them an hour, even with the efforts of all of them combined). As they placed the file back where it belonged, the crowd dispersed and continued with their work. For some reason, all of their eyes held a certain gleam which made Kakashi shiver. He belatedly wondered if he shouldn't have allowed them to read the file afterall... Something bad would happen, and the results would probably be shown the next day.

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_The next day_

"NARUTO-SAMAAAAA! We would like to learn the ways of the Therapy Jutsu!" A squadron of men outfitted in gaudy orange jumpsuits prostrated themselves infront of their widely-grinning Hokage.

"Let's go eat RAMEN!" The resounding cheer sounded throughout Konoha. Orange streaks erupted all over Konoha to finally congulate at one specific ramen stand. The owner of said ramen stand of was, of course, very, _very_ happy.

**The End**

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**Yet another A/N:** Bah, that's the end I guess. I would improve it more if I could, but I'm sick atm so not much energy to do so... I might come back to make some improvements in the future though.

R&R, thankies for reading.


End file.
